Big Book by Pam Bono PDF

Addiction Recovery

By Pam Bono

Книга по пэчворку и квилтингу.

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From this stance, Milton felt vulnerable and powerless. ” 40 LUST ANGER LOVE The wreckage of such abuse leaves all sex addicts with a sense of betrayal so severe that they lose the ability to trust. They are convinced that if they are seen or really known, they will be despised. But when I can establish a bond of trust, we can have a respectful attachment—a place at which the healing can begin. This was true for Milton. Although we had done a lot of healing the previous year, it was not until the ominous clouds converged in the sky overhead and the winds began to howl that he revealed his most painful secret: Milton’s mother had molested him while in her psychotic breaks.

At a very young age, I learned to become hypervigilant of my environment. I was supersensitive to others’ moods, body language, and innuendos in order to avoid imagined abuse. If my father entered the house and slammed the door, I would be hypersensitive to his mood. Would he become enraged? Had he been drinking? I could never trust him, so I watched him and everyone else, scouting out their moods. I also learned that to be emotionally vulnerable was not safe, so I erected walls around my emotions.

Many got their education in the local taverns, pool halls, and twin beds of their dorm rooms. I, too, found most of this teenage hedonism fun, but the prospect of sex terrified me. Instinctively, I was living in reaction to my abuse, which I had yet to consciously remember. The abuse had taught me that if I “gave in” sexually, I would lose control. Without control, I would be vulnerable. Traumatized as I was, vulnerability would take me back to 20 LUST ANGER LOVE the soul-destroying terror of incest.

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