Patrick Carnes's Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction PDF

Addiction Recovery

By Patrick Carnes

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and brave individual. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!""I misplaced 3 marriages, all due to affairs."  "I turned suicidal due to a number of intense  involvements." "I spent cash on intercourse whilst I  needed it for kid's clothes." "I  lost advertising possibilities and a special  scholarship simply because my co-workers figured out approximately my sex  life." each day they face the chance of  destruction, risking their households, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and future health. they arrive from all walks  of lifestyles: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar employees. such a lot were  abused as children--sexually, bodily or  emotionally--and observed addictive habit of their early  lives. so much grapple with different addictions as well,  but their fiercest conflict is with the most  astounding widely used "secret" illness in  America: sexual habit. here's a ground-breaking  work through the nation's prime expert specialist on  sexual dependancy, in keeping with the candid testimony of  more than a thousand recuperating sexual addicts  in the 1st significant medical examine of the  disorder. This crucial quantity contains not just the  revealing findings of Dr. Carne's examine with  recovering addicts but additionally recommendation from the addicts and  co-addicts themselves as they paintings to overcome  their compulsive habit. optimistic, hopeful, and  practical, do not name It Love is  a landmark publication that is helping us greater understand  all addictions, their factors, and the tough path  to restoration.

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Example text

They’re not centered in themselves and desperately want others to validate them, like them, love them, or at least need them. If that’s you, you want others’ esteem so much that you try to turn yourself into a people‐pretzel in order to please, accommodate, and win someone else’s acceptance. You feel anxious if others are unhappy with you, and you give their needs, feelings, and opinions precedence over your own. In fact, you silence, sometimes even to yourself, your own needs, feelings, thoughts, and values to become what you believe is expected or desired by someone else, especially in romantic relationships — where the rubber meets the road.

These are your wounds of codependency. You don’t realize this or that, deep down, you don’t believe you matter. Sadly, your wounds make you ashamed of who you are — of being human — so you hide them from others, even from yourself. This is denial. In this chapter, I describe the major traits and symptoms of codependency. You may have some, but not all, or not all the time or with everyone. Symptoms and severity vary among codependents. Hidden Shame Shame is a painful feeling of unworthiness, inadequacy, and alienation.

If you don’t like the term codependency, disregard it; but if you resonate with some aspects discussed, focus on those and then utilize the suggested action steps that you find helpful. Defining Codependency Today, no consensus exists on a definition of codependency. It hasn’t been recognized by the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is published periodically to describe agreed-upon criteria for mental diagnoses. 30 Part I: Getting Started on Overcoming Codependency In 1989, 22 leaders in the field convened at a national conference and came up with a tentative definition of codependency: “Codependency is a pattern of painful dependence upon compulsive behaviors and approval of others to find safety, self-worth, and identity.

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